Get Out of the Box or Get Rid of the Box Altogether

Another book that has influenced my leadership in the spiritual sense is Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box, by The Arbinger Institute. This book uses a parable style to get its message across. It is not a book on what you need to do to be a leader, but more of how you think. Your actions are a reflection of your beliefs and you treat others as you see them. The basic gist of the book is that we create our own problems, we do not see that we are doing this (because of in the box thinking), and we resist attempts to stop thinking that way. We look at others through our own lens of self-deception meaning we are trying to validate our reality. In doing this we are diminishing the importance of others, and other people pick up on this.  We need to get out of the box and stay out. The fact is we cannot control others behavior and we should not try to. Similar to The Four Agreements, one clear message is not to take things personally, but this book takes that a little further in saying that by seeing people as they are and valuing them we treat them differently. So in effect by changing our thinking we are changing our behavior. For instance, say there is a teacher working for me that is having financial problems; in the box thinking would tell me it is neither my problem nor my place to help her. I would be validating my in the box actions by this type of self deception. My gut tells me I am in the box yet I do nothing to see her as a human being. Out of the box thinking here would have me acknowledge her issues and see what I can do to help. Maybe I could lend an ear or even give advice. Instead of wondering why she is in financial trouble, realize she too is a human with her own needs and reasons. Treat her with respect, don’t ignore her and be surprised at her response. This book covers step one of a three-step process. The important note here is there will always be a tendency to get back in the box, we must be able to forgive ourselves, recognize what we are doing and keep working toward out of the box thinking. For the real message here is: that to truly be an effective leader the only way one can change the world is to first change oneself. I have been reminded of this recently in a personal way with someone I care very much for. I was stuck in "in the box" thinking, but now am able to look at things through a new lens and value this person as I should have before. The only way to grow is realize that you must and that is a huge lesson.